rainbows and butterflies

staying positive is harder than I thought. I rapped a ruler onto my forearm reminding myself to think positively, to follow my heart, and to embrace things. Earlier this year, I have found that the people around me tend to find my pessimism to be irritating and a Debbie-Downer. I hate always being the bearer of anything bad and so, decided to try my best to think with smileys and rainbows. HAH HAH perhaps the latter was a tad condescending. I apologize.
why is it always easier to pick out the things that don't make you happy? Most of my life, I've always thought that dreams always have consequences and that with good luck comes bad luck very soon. I've been disappointed much throughout my life and when I think back about my childhood, I'm reminded of how much of my parents' fighting affected my behavior as an adult. My mom used to constantly talk about divorcing my father and how terrible my brother is and wishes she never birthed him. I was still learning my division then.
My friends get annoyed if I try to make light of fights and arguments. The tactic I've learned is making a joke of it. Make them laugh, make them feel silly for fighting. Though it doesn't always work out, at least the pair can walk away for a while or ease up the tension.

I can't sleep again tonight and got on my laptop to look up the reasons for easy bruising. It's a vitamin deficiency amongst a list of scary factors. If you're deficient in vitamins: B12, C, K, or Folic Acid, you're bound to bruise like ripe Asian pears in Chinatown markets.
I feel my brain numbing and losing focus on this entry. It's too hot to sleep and I am anxious to ride my new bike all around the neighborhood tomorrow!
Wow, this sucks. I'm hungry...

I would LOVE: sake maki, pan-fried satay chicken udon, green beans, garlic sauteed broccoli rabe, Montreal's chocolate croissants, steak and cheese sub, salt and pepper chicken wings, chicken tikka masala with aloo naan, giant red grapes, samgyupsal, fish head/tofu/cilantro soup, roasted octopus, molten chocolate cake with coffee gelato on the side, egg and spam on ramen, ice cold coffee, soft almond pretzel, juicy burger with cheddar/bacon/avocado/tomato/lettuce, grilled turkey sandwich with gruyere/herbed mayo/spinach, boiled lobster, fried mushrooms, sauteed scallops, sauteed button mushrooms, garlic mashed potatoes....

okay, time to make me a snack!