all the little pieces

Love is complicated. What is love anyway?

moving ahead

if you've ever heard of KT Tunstall's "Other Side of the World" that's the mood I'm feeling right now. The world is a giant moving at the speed of light - twirling like a tornado. I'm the small speckle fighting to survive in the middle. I'm trying to get to the other side, the other side of the world.
Our lives are hard and everyday, we make excuses to make it easier - to forget a bit of hardship just to endure the days a little longer. Though my plan seems to have gained a positive light, it's still a long way to go. This year I will be working a full time job, night classes every night, and weekend shifts and the restaurant. Nonstop until I reach my destination -- success.

You know what makes me such a miserly person? I always have high expectations of myself as well as the same standards for everyone else around me. Perhaps I also care too much about how you feel before myself. The tornado of twirling lights are going faster and the pull of the wind is too strong. I'm still standing but for how much longer?

i want to be cultured.

When I see international students walking all over the city, the envy comes out of me. If I was an international student, my parents would likely have loads of money, a nice house, and I'd have traveled the world before puberty hit. All I know is Boston and Seoul. Seoul is a place I directed my empty but spongy mind to go during a period of incredible stress/confusion. I had planned the trip months in advance--knowing I will be alone and it will be scary. I didn't know anyone nor spoke the language. Not only was I dressed like an American but I stood out in height amongst Korean women. The one that sticks out of the crowd will always find it difficult to blend in. Though I can say my adventure was fun and rewarding, I also learned that being cultured is a difficult thing. I envy international students who at least have a worldly foundation - to meet people from all over the world, to see any Wonder of the World.

Boston is a small city, where every Asian knows each other. I would love to live in a community like Jamaica Plain where everyone knows one another and walks their dogs together. Though given the chance, I would love to see California. I'd travel to Bora Bora, Thailand, Italy, Argentina, Brazil, Japan, and definitely go back to South Korea.
To see the world is a privilege. It is now a privilege but I am striving to make it my job. Hopefully my degree in public affairs will help me. I'm always dreaming of a change of scenery...

rainbows and butterflies

staying positive is harder than I thought. I rapped a ruler onto my forearm reminding myself to think positively, to follow my heart, and to embrace things. Earlier this year, I have found that the people around me tend to find my pessimism to be irritating and a Debbie-Downer. I hate always being the bearer of anything bad and so, decided to try my best to think with smileys and rainbows. HAH HAH perhaps the latter was a tad condescending. I apologize.
why is it always easier to pick out the things that don't make you happy? Most of my life, I've always thought that dreams always have consequences and that with good luck comes bad luck very soon. I've been disappointed much throughout my life and when I think back about my childhood, I'm reminded of how much of my parents' fighting affected my behavior as an adult. My mom used to constantly talk about divorcing my father and how terrible my brother is and wishes she never birthed him. I was still learning my division then.
My friends get annoyed if I try to make light of fights and arguments. The tactic I've learned is making a joke of it. Make them laugh, make them feel silly for fighting. Though it doesn't always work out, at least the pair can walk away for a while or ease up the tension.

I can't sleep again tonight and got on my laptop to look up the reasons for easy bruising. It's a vitamin deficiency amongst a list of scary factors. If you're deficient in vitamins: B12, C, K, or Folic Acid, you're bound to bruise like ripe Asian pears in Chinatown markets.
I feel my brain numbing and losing focus on this entry. It's too hot to sleep and I am anxious to ride my new bike all around the neighborhood tomorrow!
Wow, this sucks. I'm hungry...

I would LOVE: sake maki, pan-fried satay chicken udon, green beans, garlic sauteed broccoli rabe, Montreal's chocolate croissants, steak and cheese sub, salt and pepper chicken wings, chicken tikka masala with aloo naan, giant red grapes, samgyupsal, fish head/tofu/cilantro soup, roasted octopus, molten chocolate cake with coffee gelato on the side, egg and spam on ramen, ice cold coffee, soft almond pretzel, juicy burger with cheddar/bacon/avocado/tomato/lettuce, grilled turkey sandwich with gruyere/herbed mayo/spinach, boiled lobster, fried mushrooms, sauteed scallops, sauteed button mushrooms, garlic mashed potatoes....

okay, time to make me a snack!

Look-Alikes

Ray Allen: Professional Basketball Star--VS--Moses Chan: Famous Hong Kong Movie Star

Pau Gasol: Professional Basketball Star--VS--Big Bird: National Television Icon

Dancing on Ice Land

Inspired By Iceland - Attempting to boost tourism after the volcanic eruption, Icelanders have come up with this website to promote their country.

Inspired by Iceland Video from Inspired By Iceland on Vimeo.

Awesome video to kick-start my rainy Friday afternoon. I'll probably end up dancing like the fisherman at work today...HA HA HA!

video art

I like to share new works that might put you in a different lens. I hope these drive your motivation, joy, or your attention to stop and notice the simpler things with a different perspective.

 Her Morning Elegance/Oren Lavie

DEADLINE post-it stop motion

New species of fish: with hand-like fins!!!

for more on the article: Nine Fish With "Hands" Found To Be New Species

monster mommy

Mi madre is a work of madness. Can't all mothers be nurturing, understanding, forgiving, and loving? Mine is none of that. Nothing that I do or try to do is ever enough. Worst of all, she really doesn't care about my happiness. In high school, I played volleyball and was on the crew team. She would ask when those would end and then clap about it being over. Not once did she attend a game or support me. I dated a goodie-two-shoes who was one of my best friends and she hated him. I then dated an artsy type and she hated him even more. Now, I'm dating a Chinese boy - smart, caring, good to his family, great to me: the absolute perfect boy to bring home. She refuses to even acknowledge him when he's here.
I am always so stressed out and irritated, I take it out on my boyfriend - who tries his best to not show that he's affected by it. It's time to move out soon. Think so? I can't tolerate her being angry at me for no reason at any time of day. She also gives me the silent treatment. I'm done with it. I'm hated for something I don't know I did...all the time. my presence is never acknowledged around here anyways. who says parents are always right?

The Longhi

Meet the newest appliance to join my family: an espresso maker!!! I'm an avid fan of cappuccinos and this machine makes a decent cup for $100. awesome, eh? F U Starbucks!

I realized my milk expired after the espresso was done so this is the espresso - no cappuccino today...

Come join me for some cappuccinos!

Crayola Time!

My boyfriend and I can spend time doing the weirdest of things. We came home from a late hotpot dinner last night and watched Blind Side then we got...BORED. I bought two coloring books for my baby cousins and I discover my boyfriend has never EVER colored in his life. WTF, right? lame Chinese boys lol.

                          Fish by Z.Liao

And this is mine...

                                                                       Abode by C. Lei

C'mon, I think I win. hahaha so cute.
Look at his colors - it's pretty decent for a first-time color.
HAHAHAH...
We're losers...

vibrating head

I read beauty blogs and watch makeup lessons on YouTube once in a while but this one -- wow. My co-worker tends to get on her phone and watch videos at work. We got into a little bit of extra-noise trouble last Friday watching this...



I think I can save money on vibrating mascaras now...

chiuchiu*

I have the best boyfriend in the world. The last one broke my heart and dated several other beautiful women but I'm so happy for him. My boyfriend is my future husband - no matter how much he farts and sleeps, I adore him. I just wanted to tell the world for the first time that I love him and there's no one else that can possibly tell me my cooking is good despite it tasting like boogers. No one else will let me carry the laundry all the way to the basement because that's what he's for. No one else will let me wash the dishes because I should relax after cooking dinner. And there's so much to say about my darling.
Life is hard right now but when he's around, everything seems easier. We are currently living a boring, busy lifestyle but he makes me so happy.

the end.

We'll be friends again if you ever start to understand what I went through when you left me without you by my side. I hope you don't have to go through any suffering and heartbreak but I can't grasp the fact that our seventeen year friendship is like it is now. I wish you have a happy life because I will no longer torture myself for missing my best friend. I refuse to think it was all my fault. Good luck with this job that I got you, your new boyfriend, and the current life I know nothing about. Maybe we're not going to be each others' Maid of Honor after all...be happy.

to personalize my blog

I used to blog a lot and it would have tidbits of my really personal thoughts and on occasion, it'd get emotional. I haven't blogged like that in years. As you can tell, it's 5am here in Boston and a lot came running through my mind. I've never been much of a positive person and I understand there isn't a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I'm the type of person to know what creates a visible rainbow. Yup, no dreaming - just black and white reality. Maybe my personality is not the type that creates smiles and warmth. Despite this, I've been told I have a pretty killer smile. I won my boyfriend's heart with it. haha.
Well, I have a great boyfriend but I can't sleep tonight...
I miss a dear friend of mine whom I've lost touch with for over two years. We were best friends and now, we're less than strangers. It's sad. Everything seems to be a blur to me now but I understand that when you choose your boyfriend(ex) over your best friend, everything rocks the boat. The boat sank and I couldn't fix it. From the day our friendship sank into the endless ocean bottom, my relationships everywhere have began to fail. I lost faith in people. I thought that friendships that go through thick and thin wouldn't end so abruptly and so eagerly. I lost faith in myself as well.
It is clear to me that I have shut myself in for the last two years. Despite having somewhat better relations with my family - it also seems to simultaneously worsen. yeah, I talk to them and see them more often but we're all still merely estranged roommates. My cousins and I used to be quite close. My friends used to call me out more often. I used to chat up the customers at work and was quite popular. I used to look forward to meeting new people.
I've changed and don't know how to become that better person I aspired to be after the worst time of my life. Somehow, a heartbreak and a lost friendship can so easily damage me. I've always been the girl who never showed a care for drama. Now, I'm full of it. Maybe it's all in my head.
My cousin's girlfriend said she admired how forward I can be and how I'm not afraid to meet people. Well babe, beneath it all lies fear, self-doubt, and indifference.
I miss my friend, I miss my old lifestyle, and I wish I can take everything back and put smiley stickers on everything and everyone.
Things have changed and there's no turning back. Life goes on and I think I'll try to make something better a little at a time. I'm no hero - can't go changing everything in one night. What's the point in being depressed? I've learned so much in the last five years but there's a lot of roadwork that needs fixing. Time for change, time for growing up, time to let my pride down.
From today onward, you'll be reading up on the craziness of what I'm actually thinking...maybe.

Go Green!

Did you watch 2010? Did it make you cry, angry, and depressed? When you walked out of the theater, what did you plan to do about those feelings? Start recycling? Using less energy? Walking instead of driving? I don't think people have changed their lifestyle since the increasing reports of recent natural disasters. The movie certainly didn't motivate anyone to act on this very important matter! I've been reading a lot of articles on the news this year about natural disasters and it has definitely caught my attention as to how thin the ice is. *no pun intended on glaciers* Our earth is shifting, the ice is melting, animals are dying from loss of habitat, disasters causing other disasters, disease, turmoil, chaos...wow. the fucking list goes on! I've included here in this blog entry eleven recent disasters. I've also calculated the reported numbers of people who died in these disasters. Note: not all deaths were reported, some articles weren't specific

about 500,000 died since August 2007 until today. That's a lot of people since according to Wiki, the world population today on March 18, 2010 is 6,800,000,000. Maybe you're thinking - that's not a lot but it fucking is! Just from the earthquake in Haiti, the earth's axis has shifted and thereby, the earth has a lot less daylight time. Sooner or later, we'll all be living under water. Fucking dead. I think we need to start thinking and living GREEN. I don't want to fall into I-95's crevice or be squashed by a falling Mcdonald's 'M.' Think about it.

2007--

August: Olympia, Greece--Forest fires (10 days, 65 people dead)

October: Santa Barbara County, California--wildfires (destroyed 500,000+ acres)

2008--

May: Sichuan, China--earthquake 8.0 Magnitude (70,000 dead - 5,000+ students)

2009--
April: Burma--Cyclone Nargis (138,000 dead)

November: Cockermouth, Cumbria--flood

2010--

January: Port-au-Prince, Haiti--earthquake 7.0 Magnitude (212,000 dead)
February: Concepcion, Chile--earthquake 8.8 Magnitude (1.5 million displaced, 300+ dead)
March: Catalonia, Barcelona--snow (20 inches, heaviest in 25yrs)
March: Kovancilar, Turkey--earthquake 6.0 Magnitude (50+ dead)

March: Mount Elgon, Uganda--mudslide (350+ dead)

March: Mongolia--coldest winter (worst in 30 years, temps. falling below -25C)

Mongolia's Worst Winter

California's wildfire

earthquake in Haiti

an ode to gorgeous DESIGN + the celebration of LIVING

Arthur de Mattos of KAA: Sao Paulo, Brazil

Homa Hotel, China

The Smyth Hotel, NYC

Wexler's, San Francisco

Noe Valley Residence by Mark Brand Architects

 Villa Bio by Enric Ruiz-Geli
GREEN DESIGN! imagine all the wild life living on your roof!

Mountain Dwellings by BIG Architects
(I love that this building allows light in from all angles and is GREEN!)

...and these are the cutest cups!!!

buy them here LOVE CUPS

I simply adore great design. The piece of art that is so carefully calculated and designed enlivens any environment and mood. awesome job, designers!

i am a MASTERMIND

According to the Jung Temperament Test, I am 17% Introverted, 25% Intuitive 1% Thinking and 56% Judging
Here goes the verdict...

All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.
Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists. Masterminds are certain that efficiency is indispensable in a well-run organization, and if they encounter inefficiency-any waste of human and material resources-they are quick to realign operations and reassign personnel. Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency.

another says...

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications. 

TAKE THE TEST HERE: http://www.humanmetrics.com

HAVE FUN!

YoHoHo and a mouthful of YUM!

I'm calling this my YoHoHo.

It's a simple, delicious, and healthy dessert best eaten...at anytime!

Ingredients

4 large mangoes (peeled and cut into strips)

*dice half of one mango - do not blend these

1 pomelo (4 segments of flesh crumbled)

1 can Goya passionfruit (or any other fruit) cocktail

1.5 cups light cream

1. blend mangoes, passionfruit, and cream together in blender til smooth (add a bit of water if too thick)

2. add diced mangoes and pomelo

3. garnish with fresh fruit

4. chill and serve

*can be kept in airtight container up to 4 days

ENJOY!

Parcel #0371 C

You Did Not Pick Up!

Parcel #0371 C

PLEASE CALL IMMEDIATELY

@ 1-800-238-9720

We have been trying to reach you regarding your official prizewinner status!

You have WON one of the four guaranteed prizes: a new MERCEDES BENZ, BMW,

PORSCHE or $49,000 CASH; a $1,500 Shopping Spree; Exotic Island Adventure -

$806 value or $500 Cash. You have three days to call us toll free at the number above

to arrange to pick up your prize. You are guaranteed to receive your prize

immediately, in accordance with your confirmation letter.

This is your FINAL NOTICE!

Call toll free, Monday-Friday 9am to 9pm, Sat. 10am to 7pm EST

Call Within 72 hours

I find it hilarious that a scam company runs on a Monday to Friday schedule. I'm sure these idiots will either send you a lengthy phone bill (not toll free!), a fake check, or a copy of Island magazine. What a waste of my mailbox space. I could have my monthly letter from Santa Claus in there instead. AVC Claims Center, start a real company!

BUGATTI 16C

Speaking of HOT whips...the new Bugatti 16C concept is off the chain! With a estimated sales price of $1.6 million dollars, this beautiful vehicle has a 8.0 liter 16 cylinder engine, 4WD system, and a performance suspension. More updates to come! HOT!

Please and Thank You

When you eat out, do you ever pay more than the expected 15% tip? Was the service average? Good? Better than you expected? Even so, would you pay more had the service been praise-worthy? Diners frequently disrespect servers as if they aren't even people. A tired server in all situations must be friendly, hospitable, helpful, and courteous. You can only be so kind and honor the server the same way you're being treated. Fair and square. There are those who try to get away with tipping nothing or simply tipping undeserving amounts. I want to throw the food that was brought to them in their faces and to never allow them back into the restaurant.
Why are people condescending to service workers? Does it make them feel better about themselves? How can people be such assholes? I've witnessed many younger, if not middle-aged folks, remain seated on the train when there's an elderly person, pregnant woman, child, or simply a man/woman with many grocery bags standing by them. Do we not know common courtesy anymore? Certainly people hardly say 'excuse me' or 'please and thank you.' Maybe we need to go back in time and have manners and simple respect for other people beaten into us like my parents did when I was younger. I think it was rather effective.
Just today, I witnessed a six-year old reprimand his grandfather and called him 'crazy' and 'stupid.' His parents sat idly by and said nothing. I was in awe and my jaw dropped. They simply did nothing. If I was his parents, I'd pull him outside and give him a nice beating. Kids these days are spoiled rotten and take everything for granted. What's wrong with the world we live in? What's happening to all the good people that used to exist? What will it take for everyone to live peacefully with one another and do good deeds?
Thus far, the ideal is far from the reality.

Gregor's Justice

"Deception has been observed in animals from elephants to arctic foxes. Ants take slaves. Chimpanzees may attack other bands of chimpanzees, unprovoked and with deadly intent. Groups of dwarf mongooses battle other groups for territory. The case of the chimpanzee murderers Pom and Passion, who killed and ate the infants of other chimpanzees in their group, has been well documented by Jane Goodall's research team. Orangutans have been seen to rape other orangutans. Male lions, when they join a pride, often kill young cubs who were fathered by other lions. Young hyenas, foxes, and owls have been seen to kill and eat their siblings."
(Masson, 42)

I'm currently reading When Elephants Weep by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson and Susan McCarthy. Although the book doesn't focus on the torture of animals within each species, the author denotes very well of the emotional lives of the creatures we deem inferior to us. We keep pets on leashes, small animals in cages, and entertain the very livelihood of our children with branded elephants and tame tigers. It's interesting that Masson included this passage to point out why we may think there are differences between human and wild animal. Humans can be so surreal. I am beginning to think that we blind ourselves from the truth. As we know, the truth can be awing and painful. We underestimate the animal kingdom and our effect on it. Perhaps we are responsible when we release a captured chimp back into the wild and it cannot survive? Perhaps we are responsible for the damage of rainforests and thus affecting animal behavior? I have read many reports on animal running loose and hurting civilians. Are we responsible? Coyotes in backyards. Orcas killing trainers at SeaWorld. Dogs biting. Chimpanzees injuring researchers. Who gave humans the right to dominate and create clear distinctions? We are not so different. We are, in fact, animal. Masson included a description of an older chimpanzee abused by his younger mates. The passage made me think of teenagers neglecting and even abusing senior citizens.

"One has to sympathize with Jane Goodall's reaction to some chimpanzees' treatment of one old animal, his legs wholly paralyzed by polio, who was lonely, shunned, and sometimes attacked by those who were still healthy. In the hope of inducing companions who were grooming
each other to groom him as well, he dragged himself up into a tree:With a loud grunt of pleasure he reached a hand towards them in greeting--but even before he made contact they both swung quickly away and, without a backward glance, started grooming on the far side of the tree. For a
full two minutes, old Gregor sat motionless, staring after them.
And then he laboriously lowered himself to the ground." (Masson 43)

Those chimpanzees knew what they were doing. Or are we simply labelling a situation-emotion? Do animals know what is right and wrong? The passage blew me away a little - not knowing animals can be selfish and prejudiced like humans. Or perhaps Goodall, using human perception, humanely labelled like a human would feel...I suppose we'll never know.